“I’ll tell my parents after I find a better place.” This is what Rahul told himself as he uploaded yet another picture of the BMW parked outside his university in Munich. Meanwhile, he was sleeping on a mattress in a shared room with three other guys, struggling to pay his bills.
Sound familiar? Maybe you know someone like this. Or maybe this is you.
Why We Hide Our Struggles Abroad
When Indians move abroad, whether for studies or work, there’s a massive pressure to “make it.” We’ve all seen those WhatsApp forwards from relatives: “Sharma ji’s son is doing so well in America!” or “Look at these photos of Priya’s apartment in Germany!”
The truth? Many of us are fighting battles nobody sees.
I recently talked with several Indians living in Germany who admitted to showing a completely different life on social media than what they actually experience. One guy, who works at a restaurant washing dishes after his classes, only posts photos in front of luxury cars. A girl who shares a tiny apartment with five others only shows pictures at fancy cafés, carefully cropping out everything else.
But why do we do this?
The Family Investment Factor
For most middle-class Indian families, sending a child abroad means enormous financial sacrifice. Parents often take loans, sell property, or use life savings to fund these dreams.
“My parents spent their entire retirement fund to send me here,” shared Anika, a student in Berlin. “How can I tell them I’m struggling to find proper housing or that I cry myself to sleep sometimes?”
This financial investment creates a mountain of emotional debt. Students feel they must show success to justify the sacrifice their parents made.
The Social Status Game
In India, going abroad still carries massive social currency. When we post those filtered photos on Instagram, we’re not just collecting likes – we’re collecting status points in our community back home.
“When I visit India during holidays, I’m treated like a celebrity,” says Vikram, who’s been in Germany for three years. “People ask me about life abroad with such excitement. Nobody wants to hear that I worked cleaning toilets for six months.”
This special treatment feels good, especially when we’ve spent months feeling like outsiders in a foreign country.
The Fear of Being Called a Failure
Indians are taught from childhood that failure is shameful. When things don’t go as planned abroad, many feel it reflects poorly on their capabilities.
“I couldn’t find a job in my field for a year after my master’s,” admits Deepa. “I told everyone back home I was getting multiple offers and taking my time to decide. The truth was I was worried about my visa expiring.”
The Heavy Cost of Faking It
This double life might seem harmless, but it comes with serious consequences:
1. Mental Health Damage
Constantly pretending takes a psychological toll. Research shows that international students already face higher rates of anxiety and depression. When you add the pressure of maintaining a fake image, it’s a recipe for burnout.
“I had a breakdown last semester,” shares Karan. “I was trying to work part-time, study, and keep up this image of having a perfect life. Something had to give, and it was my mental health.”
2. Setting Others Up for Disappointment
When we only show the glossy side of life abroad, we’re giving future students unrealistic expectations. They arrive expecting the fantasy we’ve created and face a harsh reality shock.
Remember how you felt when you first arrived and realized it wasn’t like all those social media posts you’d seen? That’s what we’re doing to others.
3. Missing Real Connections
Perhaps the biggest loss is authentic relationships. When we’re busy maintaining a façade, we miss chances to form genuine connections with people who might understand our struggles.
“I spent a year hiding my financial problems,” says Priyanka. “When I finally opened up to my Indian roommate, I discovered she was in the same situation. We could have supported each other months earlier.”
Breaking the Cycle: How to Be Real Without Losing Face
So how do we stop this harmful pattern? It’s not about oversharing every hardship, but finding a middle ground:
Share Struggles After You’ve Overcome Them
Instead of pretending problems don’t exist, share your challenges after you’ve worked through them. “I struggled to find housing for three months, but I finally found a good place” is both honest and shows resilience.
Find Trusted Confidants
You don’t need to tell everyone everything. Have a small circle of people – maybe friends in similar situations or a mentor – who know your real story.
Remember: The Highlight Reel Is Never the Full Story
When you see others’ perfect posts, remind yourself that you’re seeing their highlight reel, not their daily reality. That friend with the seemingly perfect German life? They probably have struggles they’re not showing too.
Focus on Genuine Achievements
Instead of staging photos with luxury items, share authentic moments of growth: your improving German language skills, a good grade on a difficult assignment, or cultural experiences you’re genuinely enjoying.
A New Way Forward
The culture of pretending everything is perfect isn’t serving anyone. Not the students struggling in silence, not the families getting a distorted view, and not the future generations who come unprepared for the real challenges.
“I started being more honest on my social media last year,” says Rohit, who’s been in Germany for two years. “I was nervous at first, but the response was surprising. Other Indians messaged me saying they were going through the same things. It was a relief to know I wasn’t alone.”
This doesn’t mean bombarding your family with every problem. It means finding a balance – acknowledging challenges while still showing growth and progress.
Next time you’re tempted to post that picture in front of a fancy car that isn’t yours or pretend you live in that upscale building you just happened to walk past, ask yourself: what am I really gaining? And what might I lose in the process?
Your authentic journey, with all its ups and downs, is far more impressive than any filtered fantasy.
Have you ever felt pressure to present a different image of your life abroad? Share your experiences in the comments below.